I was at Latitude all weekend and thus missed out on the pleasures of Holy Moly, which is getting less rubbish with every week.
In case you hadn't already had the pleasure of reading the cretinous ramblings of Aryan crone Lowri Turner in the Mail (obviously), here she is wailing about how difficult it is that the baby she's just had with her British-Indian husband looks nothing like her, the please read on.
(You might also like her searing piece on political issues entitled: "However much I love my gay friends, I don't want them running the country", published in last year's Western Mail)
The article is, at best, an attempt at honesty made with all the finesse of an elephant knitting a scarf. At worst, this is going to seriously fuck that poor kid up when she's older. What's even more horrible is that Turner announced the divorce from her husband only a week before and said she felt "Embarrassed, humiliated, hurt, angry, sad, guilty, confused." Eurgh - horrible thought shudder etc - was this article was a way of getting back at him? For fuck's sake woman, boil a rabbit.
Lowri on her third child:
"Into this positively Scandinavian next generation, I have now injected a tiny, dark-skinned, dark-haired girl. To say she stands out is an understatement."
"Don't get me wrong, I love her...But when I turn to the mirror in my bedroom to admire us together, I am shocked. She seems so alien. With her long, dark eyelashes and shiny, dark brown hair, she doesn't look anything like me. "
"No more Brady Bunch kids for me."
"My love may not be colour blind, but hers is, and that is truly humbling."
THE WOMAN IS UTTERLY INSANE.
I've got red hair, my mum is fair. I'm transparently white, she's got a permanent gardening tan. We look nothing like each other but share enough neuroses and vocal mannerisms to make it patently obvious that we're related. It's a child, not a bloody handbag.
Even the Daily Mail comments looked askance after the inevitable openers: "Searingly honest maybe, possibly commendably so. But in my opinion Lowri needs to 'get a grip', give herself a damn good talking to, pull herself together, get over herself etc and get on with the business of bringing up the three children she knowingly brought into this world, blonde, brown, black or whatever colour they may be."
Start placing bets on the date when baby Turner mum-divorces the hand-wringing idiot woman.