ShoHo Sho Shit

I went to Shoreditch House last night. I can quite honestly say that I haven't looked forward to nosing around somewhere this much since I went to the Soho house library and got lost, and I haven't been so disappointed by something since I saw the clown at my brother's 5th birthday party taking his make-up off.

For a members club that's been launched in a veritable powder puff of fanfare it looked unfinished, unpolished, and un worth it. The lifts are still covered in wood and look like the beginnings of an Ikea sauna. The lift girls had the glazed expressions of sweatshop workers on 36 hour shifts. The female bar staff weren't pretty enough to be this charmless, most of the male staff looked browbeaten and half asleep.

The front desk was littered with people who didn't seem to be doing anything other than get in everyone's way. The large white room our party was in had a bowling alley behind which was probably the only humanising aspect. The white tiled loos were covered in five-year grime, unlike the ones at Soho House which are so sleek they're almost feline. We couldn't be arsed to work hard enough to sneak up onto the roof to see the pool, but given the state of what we saw it was probably still surrounded in builders.

I know there were four other floors than the ones we were on but seriously - £500 a year for this building site? I've heard wonderful, awe-struck things about the rest of it, but given that parties like these are when tipsy non-members start thinking about opening their wallets to join up, it was about as aspirational as stomach cramp. It's £350 to join Hospital, £300 for Milk & Honey and its nice cocktails and elegant house rules. Maybe ShoHo will be worth it in six months when it's actually ready, but not now ta.