Orchestral Blonde works for the press department of HM Customs and Excise, or Exercise or whatever it is they do. Exorcism? She's never explained this to me properly, all I know is her training involved going through sex tourists' luggage and that if you should accidentally swear in emails it gets sent back to you because HM C&E's internet server disapproves of profane language.

Regardless, this is a very proud day for me because she's just written her very first press release all about 20kg of heroin worth £1 million. Who knew that heroin could induce such maternal feelings?

And, um, it's also quite a proud day for me because I'm finally a recognised Rotten Tomatoes critic. Even if they were for two utterly dire films.