I was just asked to be a talking head on Richard and Judy. In the stakes of early-afternoon fame this ranks second only to a guest spot on Neighbours or being an entrant on Deal or No Deal so I'm sure you can understand why I panicked, went "REALLY?!" and then said no.

I know, that's really boring, but there are several reasons for this.

A) It's Richard and Judy.

B) I'd have to talk about the Oscars and I really wouldn't be capable of doing that without going "OMG did you see what Salma Hayek wore last year? Didn't she look like a Quality Street?"

C) It's Richard and Judy.

D) I look fucking awful on television. Over Christmas I watched the Weakest Link episode I did when I was 21, and was distressed to see that memory hadn't softened and I still looked like a chipmunk playing school marm. I also talk like a corrosive version of the Queen.

This is the second time I've said no to being a talking head on anything and really, the fact I'm wearing my comfort uniform rather than a "Oh this? Just fell into it" dressed-up-for-t'telly outfit comes very low down the list compared to the fact that I am absolutely terrified about fucking up, saying something retarded and making Empire look stupid. All of Empire's talking heads are calm, cool and collected. I am every adjective that doesn't start with a c. So I told the nice girl on the end of the phone to ring up Helen instead, who not only looks good on television but probably won't jump on Richard and Judy the minute they see them.

I'm really hot and flustered now. And also rather regretful as Helen's just said you get £200 and a Molton Brown goodie bag :(

(Forgetting of course that the main reason I said no was because I have a job. *stupid face* I'd have said yes otherwise. My boss said I could do it, and I did ring them after but it would be ridiculous to do something that wasn't actually to do with my day job, goodie bag or not. Feel better now. Cigarettes are very helpful, as are nice people.)