My work is officially the best workplace in the world because our boss just went out and bought us all ice creams. Aaahhhhhh!

Excellent, have found the wonderfully squishy T.raumschiere electro song that greeted me on Saturday. Head to the shitkatapult site and click on monstertruckdriver. Is brilliant. Ici! Ici!

The stalker saga continues apace. This morning I tripped happily into Outlooks to find no less than FOUR emails from said mad person proving that he is the Grade A nutter of my dreams.

Sat, Aug 27, 2005 10:12am
As I presume this is not Kat from the programme I will ignore the 'wind up' reply! Please do let the real Kat have my email address though and offer her the choice of contacting me or not. Regards, A.

Sat, Aug 27, 2005 10:26am
I am now not sure if the email I received was in fact from Kat or not.As I am not in the habit of emailing television programmes the reply yesterday somewhat confused me with the "BBC" attachment on the email address. If indeed it was Kat mailing back I apologise. Please clarify. Thanks, A.

Sat, Aug 27, 2005 3:12pm
Photo and earnings? A surprisingly shallow request from an intelligent person! Unless it was somewhat tongue in cheek? However I am a 29 year old self employed accountant from Cheshire who would like to chat more and learn about the "real" Kat!!!!! Speak soon, A.

Today, 9:18am
Disappointed not to have had a reply to last week's message. Are you still out there??????

I think this game should now be drawn to a close. I will not answer the mad person. Regards, thanks, speak soon - I don't believe so Mister.

Franz Ferdinand's new single rocks - fact. It also sounds scarily like one of the songs by a band called Traumschiere that played at TDK on Saturday, but, as they're not Franz Ferdinand nobody will ever notice probably. Shame. Anyway, 'Do You Want To' is bouncy electro dancing Ness with a capital N so hunt it down. Now.

And Kat ends the week drinking Moet at the BBC once more and engaging in a game of Chinese whispers. Gasp as "Does he taste of Guinness?" magically becomes "Have you touched his penis?" That's as tame as we're going.

See? Listening to BBC 7 has its benefits as I otherwise wouldn't have found out that the utterly excellent Flight of the Conchords are going to run a six-part series starting September 1st! And where will this dry musical wonder be occurring? Um, Radio 2.

According to Chortle (who've known about it since the end of June, the bastards) "much of it was recorded on a portable mini-disc at London landmarks including Hyde Park, The Tower of London, Piccadilly Circus - and the first aid room at Broadcasting House." Indeed.

Radio 2's becoming a bit cool in its old age: The Blagger's Guide looks fantastic.

I have just embarrassed myself by laughing quite extensively at The Man Who Fell Asleep. I'll punctuate it properly because it deserves the respect of good grammar. If you haven't read it already, what's wrong with you, you disturbed and utterly lacking individual?

All the links are going at the bottom now because the formatting's gone all splodgy and turns it weird when links go in. If anyone knows how to make the horror stop, tell me.

Read chick lit, Metropolitan or start at the beginning and read everything.

Want to see (yawn) Kasabian? Send a text saying ‘Kasabian’ to the following number – 07960 433441 and if there are any left you'll get a ticket to a secret show in London. No time or place until they tell you. They're very pretty though and that's all that matters really isn't it? No? How DARE you call me shallow.

Much more fun would if you bought tickets to The Rakes Club NME tour in October, because the absolutely BRILLIANT Louis XIV are supporting and they'll wipe the floor with everyone else. I'm so excited I might burst if I wasn't already dying of cold.

Ace. The Internation Karate + are doing what is possibly the best idea for a tour ever: on August 29th they'll be touring a load of motrway service stations before ending up at the LATER in a pub WITHout JULES HOLLAND festival at Meze in Newport. The full run is 12:00 Membery East bound 13:00 Reading East bound 14:00 Reading West bound 15:00
Membery West bound 16:00 Leigh Delamere 17:00 Magor 20:00 Newport Meze lounge. Rock.

Who is this Piano Man then and why have I only just heard about him? If he's been the source of "fevered speculation" for the last four months then why haven't I been speculating just as feverishly? Have his silent antics been hidden in the Money section in the knowledge that I would never look there? If I didn't know better I'd think it was April Fool's all over again. (Piano Man)

*Phew* we can all sleep safely in our beds knowing that Coogan and Love aren' in fact spawning. Again the troubling though arises, but I'll put it away. I don't care. I'm bored. There's a marked difference that is clear as a bloody bell, honest.

I lost my Brixton Academy virginity to the Token Australasian (he's a Kiwi, I can't write Australian) last night. Fantastic venue once I'd got 6 pints of water down me and was no longer convinced I was going to fall over. QOTSA (fuck it, I'm not writing the damn name out) were excellent, it was bizarrely like watching some kind of opera unfolding with all the tuneful bits and then massive long instros fleshed out with the kind of rock ordinarily located in volcanos. Weird thing to notice but the lights were genius as well. It really makes a difference when you've got a stupidly dramatic show and the lights reflect it. Although Metallica's great fire candles just made me laugh, bless 'em.

While desperately scrawling the interweb looking for DCFC research I should have done on Friday but couldn't be arsed - Stereogum gets the best quote from a recent article:

"I feel like there has been created, in the past two to three years, an indie-yuppie establishment. Bands like Death Cab for Cutie, Iron and Wine, the Arcade Fire, Broken Social Scene, they are great bands, really great bands, with great albums, great songs, high quality. And to me, it's just so fucking boring," he says. "It’s like fancy-coffee-drinking, Volvo-riding music for kids. And kids should be listening to music that shakes them up more, makes them uncomfortable."

Time to spot the Indie Yuppies around you. You know at least four, of course you do. yay! (Stereogum )(Vice article)

If you adore the Mighty Boosh (and not just because they is well fit innit) and you have no morals/ethics/self-respect then join us all down at Oxford Street Borders at 7pm on Thursday where they will be signing all manner of things. Except me, because I've just realised I will be climbing my way up a large horse as I do every Thursday. Damn.

If you don't have the magic of BBC3 or know of the Mighty Boosh or indeed have any particular feelings on their fitness or otherwise, then content yourself with the Acting Friend's piss-funny academic thesis on Avril Lavigne. I think the boy wrote it many years ago but it's still depressingly funnier than anything I've ever written. (Mighty Boosh)(Avril Lavigne)

Will the horror NEVER END? As if it weren't bad enough that the vision of Steve "The Parole Officer was actually an excellent film" Coogan and Courtney Love writhing around the States has been popping into my head for entirely inexplicable reasons, then apparently he's got her pregnant too. What the hell can you say? The Cultural Friend had many interesting things to say about celebrity and why we're all so obsessed last night, unfortunately I then had to crawl my way to the bar and get water so I didn't faint. I reiterate faint, not pass out. It's all thoroughly bizarre and yes, we're all disgusting human beings for caring, but I need something to wake me up in the mornings and I am not sacrificing my Thursday Popbitch for anybody.

Ah, and the OC moments begin: interviewing Death Cab for Cutie Monday and wondering whether I dare give them one of my old MLPs so they can have their own Princess Sparkle. Possibly not...

The really great thing about the Aussie/Kiwi population explosion in England is that it means *more ways* to take the piss out of the French.

The even better thing is that they have more humorous advertising to plunder. Unfortunately Blogger Hates Macs so cut and paste this lovely vodka ad in and be amused. Unless you have no sense of humour. http://www.42below.co.nz/assets/sm/147/18/french2_web.jpg

Eurgh! Steve Coogan and Courtney Love as a gruesome twosome. That has just officially put me off my food.

So the expected heatwave didn't happen then. I'm falling over myself with surprise.

It's amazing what a combination of abject fear and resignation will do to a person. It gets your brain to remember how bloody amazing David the Gnome was. Note: I am not Swat Kat and I do not "visit nature".

My Friend in the North has just sent me a thrilling, if somewhat odd, discovery. All hospitals with medical schools in have bars. FN's next suggestion is, naturally, to crawl the hospitals, but collecting drinks rather than broken limbs and stitches. It sounds strangely alluring, but for the fact that I went to the RCS museum on a similar pretext and got locked in. With a lot of things in jars. There wasn't a bar there though so maybe I'll get over it and get trashed in triage.

More excellent tit-bits heading our way soon. That Guy From Scream (Liev Schreiber, going to be in the Omen remake - shudder) directs Elijah Wood in yet another role that tries to break away from LOTR but funnily enough makes him look like Kevin in Sin City (the eyes, the EYES) from a great book Everything is Illuminated. Breathes. Oh yeah, and they made a sequel to Saw. Ouch.

Another example of Photoshop's many uses...

Forget the bombs, there's a whole new measure of death forecast for this week:

1) We're all going to die of heat-ness on Friday if that pinnacle of journalistic credibility, The Star, has anything to do with it. Apparently temperatures are going to nudge 39.6 degrees, although how they can be so specific is beyond me. Maybe they threw darts at the office board.

2) We're all going to die of mouse-related to diseases. Some little rodent bastard is running around the office eating our crisps and lurking in our drawers.

3) We're all going to die of boredom caused by abject poverty. Obvsiouly not that abject, so don't write irate letters at me, rather the fact that all the free fun has been done. For the moment. I think the plan is now to go and 'promenade' at the, er, Proms on Monday and spy on people the Other Cat knows.

OOoh! I'm on t'internet as an example of "tomorrow's work force". Snigger. Really?

Irony - that's nice isn't it? Americans seem to have it now, judging from the shocked response of a friend of mine in NY Doing Fashion. He sat next to an ironic Amercian on the flight over who catered to all his judgmental whims by going "I love how you english build your castles right next to your train stations, so convenient." Marvellous.

Token Australian Friend sent me questions from potential visitors to Oz, posted on an Australian Tourism site and answered by the webmasters who clearly have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

I have just achieved nirvana in that work has given me a Newsround Press Pack cap. The sheer joy of wearing such a hat is some consolation against the fact that the sales team takes impish joy in calling me "Kat the student". Sigh...

Plus the fact it looks NOTHING like this.

Blimey! Yesterday I was one of a mere 28 citizens (most of whom were techies congratulating themselves on their site working) and now there's 3731 - a bit of a tight squeeze given our country is, er, a comedian's flat.

Some unoriginal soul has come up with name 'Danmark'. Bless.

One thing I love about London transport is a) the fact that it's working again and b) the poetry that is sprinkled around everywhere. Don't subscribe to the stupid rule that says you have to find your favourite poems in a small, dark cupboard shop in Morocco, handed to you by a wise beggar whose dying moments you spent conversing in the finer points of Cocteau. That's bollocks. This is why that's bollocks.

Oh. My. God. They're *actually* making a game of Jaws! With really, really shoddy graphics. Apparently there are "twenty five points of dismemberment" when you rip up your victims. Lovely! Watch the trailer.

Magic Numbers doing Beyoncé = utterly marvellous.

Holy Moly didn't hide behind fluffery this time: Sienna Miller's 6 weeks gone. Way to get revenge on Evil Jude (tm) I find it worrying that this is news, but I don't really care enough to feel an intellectual quandary coming on. In the words of BBCelia, could her luck *get* any worse? Oh, and Helen McCrory's probably going to play Bellatrix Lestrange in HP5.