Oh. God. If anyone is in the region of Hampshire and would like to collect me before I bludgeon my entire family to death with fireside instruments, please do so. Now.

Today is just full of fantabulous news. Hot on the heels of the fact we don't have to come to work tomorrow (holiday holiday yay yay yay!) comes news that there si going to be a new Sharpe! Isn't that just the best news ever? hordes of women throughout the land go "Yes Kat, yes it is." Happy Christmas to me.

Hurray! Today I got my first nothing-to-do-with-work present from a PR. Boo! It's this entirely incomprehensible object, a Powerball. You couldn't give me a book, could you? //end ungrateful//

The loveliest Christmas card in the world EVER.*

*As long as you love dogs.

Congratulations to Miss Annabel Jackson for this night receiving a training contract at a very good firm. Hopefully she will now be able to sleep.

Pant-wetting excitement at the ready, it's the X3 trailer!

Stay AWAY from this film. It's so relentlessly awful it might just be worse than ExistenZ. Did somebody buy the director/writer a film kit for Christmas? Did they then put it all back in the wrong order with bits missing so nothing makes sense and people are forced to act terribly? Stay away from cinemas around February 10th. Either that or go and see North Country again.

I'm seeing Kong on Sunday! I'm seeing Kong on Sunday! Whoop whoop whoop!

Ad nauseam.

I know it's bloody freezing, so, um, what better time to give away your sleeping bag than now? Cover For Kashmir is doing an appeal aimed at festival-going types (and let's face it, the only fest around now is ATP which is all cosied up in chalets) to help with the relief operation in Kashmir and North Pakistan.

CMU reports: Atleast three million are still homeless following the earthquake, and thousands will die this winter unless they find shelter - or the shelter reaches them. To help in remedying the situation, a ' Drive For Life tour' has been organised. The 'Cover For Kashmir' van will drive to 8 major cities over the course of 4 days to pick up warm winter sleeping bags and blankets from festival goers, students and the general public around the UK and at collection points set up at major universities across the country. You've missed Leeds and Manchester, that was yesterday, but the van's still to call at the following locations:

Liverpool, Nottingham, Birmingham: Friday 18 Nov (that's today - quick
quick)
Bristol: Saturday 19 Nov
Oxford, London: Sunday 20 Nov

You can also send stuff to Studio 35, The Old Truman Brewery, 91 Brick lane, London, E1 6QL. If you haven't got a sleeping bag, go buy one, or make a donation to the relief effort at http://www.dec.org.uk. For more info
contact: aid@protestrecordings.com

I've just noticed that my wishlist still says to see Walk The Line. Scratch that, I saw it at LFF and it was more meh than wow. Again, probably the hype machine in overdrive, but while it was an ok biopic, it didn't do anything especially zingy as a film, certainly nothing to warrant all this Oscar talk. I think I'll change the wishlist to mending this damn keyboard,which requires heavy bashing of the space bar since IG spilled tea and soup on it. Mmmm...edible keys. Kind of.

France McDormand deserves at least a nod for Best Supporting Oscar for North Country. Even The Bean's ropier than old rope Yank-via-Sheffield accent doesn't put you off. Terrific film too, lots of neat little funny bits along with the stomach-churning parts.

A new definition to post-university "meh"-ness thanks to Phil.

phil says:
we got stopped by Liverpools radio city the other week
phil says:
so they could ask us about a meningitis outbreak at the uni in which a student perished
Kattack! says:
Oh dear.
Kattack! says:
I feel even more shallow now.
phil says:
you won't
phil says:
i told them there were loads of students
Kattack! says:
?
phil says:
and they wouldn't miss one

We're all going to hell.

Spam titles get increasingly acid-ridden: "Impress with your hard erection! Turnaround toast-maker."

#1 sign of Pete Doherty's fall from "edgy" grace: being namechecked on The Archers by the vicar.

Despite having missed all of season 2 due to that lovely job in Every Bar Ever, I'm quite excited by these new Little Britain pictures. Or maybe that's because gorgeous and delectable GG has bought me a ticket to see them next year. Hurray!

New Narnia trailer - my appetite for wholesome nostalgic kiddy fare now distinctly diminished. Boo hiss etc.

Cameron Crowe on Orlando Bloom: "He sees all the people screaming for him and he says “Stop the car, I’m getting out right now,” they’re like “But you’ll be late,” and he says “Then I’ll be late. I’m signing autographs for them, they’re my fans.”"

Doesn't that just make you want to line both of them up against a wall and fill them full of bullets?

Aww! Britain's best look-a-like band Alfie (Beckham on bass, Badly Drawn Boy, Tim Burgess singing) are splitting up because they're not getting the breaks. I saw them in my first year at uni and they were lovely. Go out and buy copies of Stuntman etc to mourn the passing of a badn who didn't get the breaks they would have got had they been catchier.

Damn! Working here has turned me into the Comic Book Guy. Still, this truly IS the best. link. ever. Fact!

Want to rake in royalties but don't have time to write a hit song? Hey, never mind! If you've got a spare £15k you can buy a whole 7% of a BBritney Spears song. Alternatively, you could write yourself a cheque for the £15k and ask someone to give it to you.

If you haven't already been initiated into the joy that is the utterly delectable Sam West then look no further. Ridiculously beautiful photo = 15 years off actual age = delicious!

Tired. Crotchety. Hate bank. Want sleep. Doom film brilliant.

Richard Gere must be dying with anticipation at this latest gadget.

Wrong, but hilariously wrong.

Grammar is a niggle. This is bloody hilarious. As HM puts it, all punctuation is 'model's own.
________________________________
To the DUTY OFFICE of ITV Television :

As discussed, I shall be Extremely grateful for your Kind Assistance in passing on My following Contact Details to: Mrs. SHARON OSBOURNE & FAMILY (The 'Star' of the X-Factor Series, et el) ~
With whom I wish to Personally Communicate, in regards to Proposing to themselves the opportunity to View/Become Involved with a 'Unique New Entertainment related Gaming Project'
; of which I, as the Inventor & Sole Proprietor, wish to Confidentially Share with them at this time.

From: XXXXXXX X. XXXXXX

Pvt. Telephone Line : 0208 xxx-xxxx - London UK.
E-Mail : xxxxxxx.xxxxx@xxxxxx

THANKING YOU

Most Sincerely.

PS : As an ardent ITV Television Channel Viewer - I also take this Opportunity, to Thank the ITV Television Group for transmitting such absolute 'Top Class' TV Programming, the Entertainment which I too, enjoy each and every Day !

I need a haircut. In other news, there was something really cool I was going to post on here and I've forgotten it. How incredibly surprising.

Make a pig! Make a pig! If you can't be arsed, the password is 'oink'. I swear some of those people must have computerised pencils, because you sure as hell can't draw THAT with a mouse.

Can you tell the difference between a geek and a serial killer? Aha!I got 10/10 so I will always be safe. Must be an online thing. Plus the fact that most of these pictures pre-date computing.

Just what I always wanted! A bloke on the forum at work has turned us all into the cerw of Star Trek!

Disturbing thought of the day: According to GLAMOUR, Katie Holme's aunt has spoken out against reports her niece used IVF to conceive Tom Cruise's child. Carol Zydorczyk told reporters: "I can assure you they did it the old fashioned way."

Er, how? Was there some kind of ceremony? Did the whole family take part?

Woo hoo! First exclusive obtained for Empire! And I got a danish pastry out of it an' all...