How could they? WHAT could possibly drive the Times to put a socking great spider on the front?! A furry one. With EYES. I had to rip the damn thing off. Bastards.

Why you should love b3ta and such quirksomely amusing geek boys. Ol's my quirksome amusing geek boy, bless. The world should have more.

B3ta will eat your soul.

B3ta will kill your children.

B3ta will burn your church.

Fear us. For we are very scary indeed. Grrr.

Hurray! I didn't realise there was a website for the lovely book Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down, but there is. "For tea drinkers who are keen on sitting down and having biscuits." And cake by the looks of it.

Along with the usual bits like "Sugar, how not to give it to somebody who really wants it" there is a biscuit of the week with a really rather big archive. Your favourite biscuit will be in there unless you're weird. They even have a little bit apologising for any rubbish spelling which shows the sad, bitter world we must live in if there are angry people writing in admonishing them for poor grammar. As long as they don't employ text speak. Boo.

Apparently McVities were in league with the Nazis during the War. That's what James said last night anyway. But he's half-lawyer, so I don't really believe him.

Oh my god all my birthdays have come at once! They're making Meg! If I believed in multiple punctuation slightly more there would be exclamation marks up to and beyond Sunday.

Sometimes I think nobody loves puns as much as me. Some girls love stationery, I love stationery and puns. Thank god for OPI's new varnish collection - I want to have a Tempura Tantrum!. The Elvis one's pretty good too, but there aren't any puns. Boo. Still, it's Elvis. But wait! They've got a CANADIAN one! As if Canada wasn't funny enough! Which it isn't. It's a country. Still, I demand a bottle of At Your Quebec and Call. Ya ya yaaaaaaa...

Best rumour of the morning - Kate moss has 40 litres of Evian delivered to her house each day. Well, it's hardly milk, but still, bathing in Evian - nice.

Hmmm...why do fonts suddenly appear/ when they shouldn't? It's a deliciously sunny day herre in Hampshire-land, with daffodils waving around like the hippie half-arsed triffids they are. I really hate daffodils, but for very obscure reasons. Anyway, moving swiftly along and in order to delay the inevitable soup making moment, b3ta has been lovingly helping me to pass time in the least constructive way possible. I love you man. *sobs quietly into sleeve* Observe the utterly terrifying bluetit! Pity the dog on holiday! Snigger hilariously at the Little Miss take-off at the bottom of the page! Bless...

Great quote from an old copy of Uncut, Liv Tyler on meeting the Gallagher brothers: "I just nodded and hoped they'd go away." Bless.

London is a ghots town - literally. I am 25 floors up in the Uncut offices and all I can see is a tiny sweep of land with some buildings half-poking out of the mist. It's very odd to see.

The traditional consumer mag work experience prevails - mail distro, internet surfing, the usual fun. At least there's no replica of the bizarre German femme from Kerrang! She was terrifying to say the least. you'd understand.

Best emo song title of the day thus far; Victim is another name for lover. Ow.

Before heading off into the sunset to go in search of Led Zeppelin related monuments in North Wales, I was flabbergasted to discover that utterly fabulous new track 'Dakota' is in actual fact by those purveyors of tedium, The Stereophonics! Yes! They used to be great, went really quite mediocre and have come out the other side with an ASTOUNDING song! If you have no diea who these people are, search it out on Kazaa or something. Trust me - it's awesome.

The best feckin' search engine in the west - searching all of 12 web pages, it's Doogle!

Ah, I should have done this YEARS ago! Go on, take the Jaws Knowledge Test!

Oh bugger, I've actually been busy. Or at least doing something other than scribbling. Tant mieux I guess. Went gorge walking yesterday for a feature; basically involves much scrambling over rocks, waterfalls, holes in the ground etc, but in wetsuits and waterproofs with a socking great helmet thank god. Was excellent fun, but when coupled with a five hour shift serving snakebite to pissheads three hours after and a rehearsal I'd forgotten about this morning, I don't want to (a la sulky toddler tantrum). Bed please. Again.

Right. We've got a new name so panic over. I suppose.

New panic now - I've got a group presentation coming up in half an hour and I've got butterflies bashing my stomach with knives. How? Why? And what for? This is so unnecessary...

Bloody hell. The day before production day and we discover that there's already a Welsh-based magazine called MONO covering Welsh stuff. I guess it's a good thing we found out now before accusations of plagiarism come out (à la Skirt last year) but what the hell would have happened? It's such a small titchy mag that it could easily have passed under the radar if a, er, psychic hadn't already told me today. Right. Onto new names... possibly Mezzo or Cawl. Hmm.

Hurray! Before Sunset's up for a Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar. If you havent' seen it, it's a gem of a film; beautiful, comforting and delicious. Julie Delpy singing and playing guitar rates as a proper spine-tingler.

The news that there are more tickets for Little Britain's tour should go some way to cheering everyone up today. Apparently it's the most depressing day of the year. But it's sunny! So I don't care!

It's snowing! In Wales! I've felt it. How magical - the benefit concert, snow, fuzzy warm feelings of doing your quota of good for the year... I would be much more excited if I didn't have lots of work to do. but I might just go and play. Just a little bit...

The sheer implausibility of this type of physics makes my head hurt. Still, there's something strangely alluring about the mighty 'Hoff at such close range. More Dodgeball methinks...

As if the UK wasn't crossing its legs with enough excitement about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it turns out Tim Burton's come up with a new Nightmare Before Christmas style animation called Corpse Bride! I assume I'm the last one in the world to know about this film (I always am - sigh) but the pictures look enticing and it should be fantastic. Oh yes, and Johnny Depp's in it. *squeaks excitedly*

Best comment so far on last week's McLusky split: "Fuck McLusky. don't they realise splitting up is gay?"

Any section 28 comments will be dealt with in the manner in which this is intended.

New articles! Exciting articles! Interview with Jesse from Death From Above 1979, and a review of The Manics and The Departure. Appear to be slowly cranking my arse into gear; I've almost certainly sold a feature, which, given the telephone call the bank have just given me would be very much welcome. How the hell did I end up owing so much money?

The best description of an argument ever: last night's MPs vs Blair/Brown debacle.

Last night's attack was led by Clive Soley, ex-chairman of the parliamentary Labour party (PLP), now its unofficial shop steward, in terms which some witnesses later described as "blistering" and "a gold-plated bollocking".

Genius.

Right, purely because of how crap I felt last night and because I had an argument with my best mate today, I am going to blow my own trumpet.

I got 80% for my last assignment! Fucking ace!

End of trumpet blowing. That was rather discreet actually...

In order to divert some of the vitriol that would otherwise be directed at last night's abysmal The Woman in White (goldfish flapping in puddles - dreadful music, ditto lyrics, everything else great. Hum) I have written a TEST! But not just any old test, oh no! It's a test about Jaws! Woo and indeed hoo!

I really have to stop starting things with "Well".

My incredibly shiny new phone has decided that O2 is too rubbish to work with and has therefore stopped receiving text messages. Which I am being sent. So there. Damn. Off to the theeeaaaateeeer today to see 'The Woman in White' which will hopefully be obscenely melodramatic and full of the joys of the season. Parking in London though - hum.

Well I think we've just confirmed that Rupert Everett is god. Or rather a god considering the time of year. Sherlock Holmes was fantastic tonight - obviously I didn't have a clue what was going on as I have all the deductive dkills of a potato, but even I twigged there was a twin involved. Rock!

The belt has been loosened due to the influx of Stilton, turkey, chocolate and television - satsumas are doing no job whatsoever of counterbalancing seasonal fatness so sod it. Was marginally horrified at Christmas lunch yesterday to discover my seven eyar old cousin has developed a dripping sarcasm to rival mine in the last year and owns the Franz Ferdinand album. Suddenly I feel dramatically outclassed. Got mildly pissed, went home, got less mildly pissed and had a musical interlude with Dad while the Boy read and mum did her fiendish jigsaw. Genius.

Happy Christmas one and all. No relatives were harmed in the making of this season.

Well, the radio says it's going to snow tomorrow and the radio doesn't lie. Apart from the torrential downpour outside my window, I am entirely convinced that we are going to have some a-mazing snow tomorrow - or at least somewhere in the UK anyway.

Am loving being on holiday - the sleep, the carols, the unequivocal love of the dog. Work can well and truly kiss my ass for the time being.

Only question: how the heel do you dress up as corruption? I love fancy dress parties...

Damn. I guess I'm just going to have to face the fact that Ebay is not going to rescue my financial situation. What to do? Temp? Where! Rob stores? No gun! Beg? Too un-tramp-like looking! I know the festive spirit should be kicking in and believe me, it's a-kicking, but the noose of poverty is creeping tighter around my neck. And yes, my grammar is failing me as well. The shame.

NOOOOOOOOO! PJ Harvey's giving up performing live. Sad day.

No longer a gigwise virgin. More internet reviews! Oh yes!

Home tomorrow: Christingle, dog, fire, goodwill, Stilton, satsumas. It's what Christmas is all about.