How could they? WHAT could possibly drive the Times to put a socking great spider on the front?! A furry one. With EYES. I had to rip the damn thing off. Bastards.

Why you should love b3ta and such quirksomely amusing geek boys. Ol's my quirksome amusing geek boy, bless. The world should have more.

B3ta will eat your soul.

B3ta will kill your children.

B3ta will burn your church.

Fear us. For we are very scary indeed. Grrr.

Hurray! I didn't realise there was a website for the lovely book Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down, but there is. "For tea drinkers who are keen on sitting down and having biscuits." And cake by the looks of it.

Along with the usual bits like "Sugar, how not to give it to somebody who really wants it" there is a biscuit of the week with a really rather big archive. Your favourite biscuit will be in there unless you're weird. They even have a little bit apologising for any rubbish spelling which shows the sad, bitter world we must live in if there are angry people writing in admonishing them for poor grammar. As long as they don't employ text speak. Boo.

Apparently McVities were in league with the Nazis during the War. That's what James said last night anyway. But he's half-lawyer, so I don't really believe him.

Oh my god all my birthdays have come at once! They're making Meg! If I believed in multiple punctuation slightly more there would be exclamation marks up to and beyond Sunday.

Sometimes I think nobody loves puns as much as me. Some girls love stationery, I love stationery and puns. Thank god for OPI's new varnish collection - I want to have a Tempura Tantrum!. The Elvis one's pretty good too, but there aren't any puns. Boo. Still, it's Elvis. But wait! They've got a CANADIAN one! As if Canada wasn't funny enough! Which it isn't. It's a country. Still, I demand a bottle of At Your Quebec and Call. Ya ya yaaaaaaa...

Best rumour of the morning - Kate moss has 40 litres of Evian delivered to her house each day. Well, it's hardly milk, but still, bathing in Evian - nice.

Hmmm...why do fonts suddenly appear/ when they shouldn't? It's a deliciously sunny day herre in Hampshire-land, with daffodils waving around like the hippie half-arsed triffids they are. I really hate daffodils, but for very obscure reasons. Anyway, moving swiftly along and in order to delay the inevitable soup making moment, b3ta has been lovingly helping me to pass time in the least constructive way possible. I love you man. *sobs quietly into sleeve* Observe the utterly terrifying bluetit! Pity the dog on holiday! Snigger hilariously at the Little Miss take-off at the bottom of the page! Bless...

Great quote from an old copy of Uncut, Liv Tyler on meeting the Gallagher brothers: "I just nodded and hoped they'd go away." Bless.