Dannii Minogue 'invents new dance' as she tries to alert crowd to sinking boat. Dumb ass english tweenagers.

New favourite hobby - approximate poker. Half the rules and fuzzy headedness, also known as International Sketching Poker. Awesome!

Ho-hum. Day 3 in the Geneva holiday household and now only Cesco and Kenya are still virulently ill with horrible bacterial plague. Poor ducks, it's a real horror as they were and still are really ill and probably won't get better til Monday. Boo to virulent bacterial plague and yay to life-improving antibiotics. Jon has now been cleared as the cause of this illness, Paleo killed them all.

Planets around your wrist. "At the date and time of your birth or other special time, the Sun, Moon and planets described a pattern in the sky. The Planetary Bracelet freezes that pattern, with each of the planetary bodies represented by a different gemstone (amber, amethyst, lapis lazuli ..). Makes a great present." HINT hint hint... Courtesy, as ever of popbitch and her great classifieds.

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ha ha ha, libraries are cute

Remember dear Billy from Neighbours? Rather than taking the traditional post-Ramsay Street track of minimal clothing and decamping to the UK, he's wearing clothes and er, heading for the BBC for a PD James adaption. Yum!

Forget the various guises of hot or not (turds? Kittens? I ask you...) the latest rating crapness to push our addiction buttons is rating potential baywatch lifeguards. *huh*, I could do that too. If I actually liked peroxide and the gym.

Been a bad kitten? No worries, they can't hate you anymore than if you're fool enough to actually send them this!

Fucking godawful poetry. When will people do something decent with my name, seeing as I am clearly destined to a life of drudgery and coconuts? " Words of A Broken Heart"

(NB: goddawful poetry removed as it was giving me a headache)

Chicken tied to helium balloons up for adoption. Another KAt Brown doing good work. Another one? Anyway, rated by Simon who approves of the "pretty chicken". Doh. Worryingly: "Kat Brown, deputy director of the shelter, said: "This is a great chicken, a friendly
chicken, a chicken that is ready for a relationship."

Clearly, nobody has anything to do in their holidays. Hurray! Better then that I get sent lovely stupid things like this - when office supplies attack

Go to googleand type in Weapons Mass Destruction BUT don't click search, instead press the "I'm feeling lucky" button, and
read carefully.